I woke up early as usual this morning. Walked outside thinking about ending it all. Went into my kitchen and made my milk tea . Normal routine for me. Walked back to my porch with my milk tea. Sat my cup on the bench. Stared out but not seeing. Wanting to end it all. I turned around walking back to my kitchen in a trance. I was going to end the pain. I stopped after 10 feet. I have never come so close.
Not unusual for me to think about sucide. When I talk with friends that have PTSD or i prefer to call my symptom CTE many of us think about sucide. Sadly many have ended their pain. There is no cure. You learn to live with it.
I write about it as it helps me and hope to help others. Talking about helps relieve the isolation we can feel.
I had a women write me last month. Her sister has become a recluse. Will not talk to anyone even family. The sister name is Kathy. She knew I worked with Kathy. Ask me for help. I told her to read my articles and contact a doctor. Being alone is a dangerous place to be. I have been alone the last 7 days.
I am ok for now. Everyday is a struggle. But I have survived for a long time. But if you know someone that has PTSD OR CTE talk to them. It does help.
Being alone isolation is not good.
I am not a doctor or trained medical person. This is just my own experience.
To read my articles and about my journey