I woke up early as usual this morning. Walked outside thinking about ending it all. Went into my kitchen and made my milk tea . Normal routine for me. Walked back to my porch with my milk tea. Sat my cup on the bench. Stared out but not seeing. Wanting to end it all. I turned around walking back to my kitchen in a trance. I was going to end the pain. I stopped after 10 feet. I have never come so close.
Not unusual for me to think about sucide. When I talk with friends that have PTSD or i prefer to call my symptom CTE many of us think about sucide. Sadly many have ended their pain. There is no cure. You learn to live with it.
I write about it as it helps me and hope to help others. Talking about helps relieve the isolation we can feel.
I had a women write me last month. Her sister has become a recluse. Will not talk to anyone even family. The sister name is Kathy. She knew I worked with Kathy. Ask me for help. I told her to read my articles and contact a doctor. Being alone is a dangerous place to be. I have been alone the last 7 days.
I am ok for now. Everyday is a struggle. But I have survived for a long time. But if you know someone that has PTSD OR CTE talk to them. It does help.
Being alone isolation is not good.
I am not a doctor or trained medical person. This is just my own experience.
To read my articles and about my journey
About CTE what are the symptom
Part one beginning of me understanding
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You Ok? Read your article and thought Id drop a lifeline. I don’t get out much but I’m always ready to bounce if you need to talk. Thought I had your number but cant find it. Here is mine 0983292071.Mike (Natcha’s)
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I am ok now. I wrote this as part of my journey. Before just think about it. But yesterday very close. 20 ft away. Haha.
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